Monday, March 7, 2016

These Days

These days, I've got a lot going on. Family stuff, personal stuff, work stuff, school stuff. 

On top of all that, we moved, so I am living amongst the boxes. My wife and daughter seem fine with it. I am not.

I get emotionally tired. I get intellectually tired. I just get tired. Whereas before, I was thriving, these days, I'm getting by. Things are done barely on time. I don't have much enthusiasm for stuff. School stuff is the only thing that really gives me much energy these days, but even that I have to force open sometimes.

And on top of all that, I'm cold. I live in a temperate climate and about as cold as it ever gets is 35 degrees Fahrenheit, but I'm chilled. I can't get warm. Granted, we haven't managed to find all the blankets for the bed yet, but even outside of bed, I'm cold - especially my feet.

I always used to joke that I needed something good to happen that that I needed someone else to make it happen. I don't mind being one of the fonts of change and progress, but sometimes, I need to stand around and watch something happen that is independent of my efforts.

Rollo May said that depression is the inability to form a future - or something like that. I can see his point. I can't hardly imagine a future right now. Tomorrow is about as far out as I care to go. 

These days make me think about other people. People who deal with real or imaginary scenarios like this their whole lives. Mine is temporary - or at least I think it is. Its a couple months of feeling like this. I have such sympathy for people for whom this is the norm.

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