Monday, February 15, 2016

Believing my own Bullshit

I know that I am responsible for my own thoughts. I can't knowingly be coerced into thinking something. My known thoughts are my own.  I understand that.

But there are times when knowing that and living into it are two wildly different things.  There are times when the joy is sucked out of your soul like when you get the wind knocked out of you. Breathing normally all of a sudden doesn't seem quite as easy as it once did.  You *know* you'll be fine, but that is easier to sell to your body if you could actually breathe.

I have most of the joy knocked out of me right now and I am longing to find some validation that my thoughts are really my own. I want joy, but it is nowhere to be found.  I don't so much want it as I recognize that my joy is in my control, but simultaneously am not sure I believe my own bullshit.

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