Thursday, April 23, 2015

Happy Independence Day

Today is Independence Day for the Conch Republic, known to many as The Florida Keys.

For those of you unaware, the Conch Republic was formed on April 23, 1982 as a response to the US Border Patrol's roadblock of US 1 in their "War on Drugs" .  Every vehicle going through the roadblock was searched for drugs, making the trip to the Keys unpleasant.

The "War on Drugs" roadblock effectively cut off the Keys from the rest of the United States and strangled the its primary source of income - tourism.  The Key West City council complained to the Federal Government, but got nowhere.

As a result, a band of Conch rebels assembled.  They elected a Prime Minister, seceded from the United States and Declared War.  After one entire minute, the Prime Minister apologized for declaring war, surrendered and applied for $1B in foreign aid from the US State Department.  That application is apparently still pending, although most people seem to have forgotten it, at this point.

The Motto of the Conch Republic, depending on who you talk to is "We Seceded Where Others Failed" or "The Mitigation of World Tension through the Exercises of Humor".  The most popular bumper sticker on Key West is:  "One Human Family".  Our church on Key West is called "One Island Family".

If I ever disappear without a trace, I would suggest that you start the search parties in the Conch Republic.  Start at the Green Parrot, right at mile marker 0, around happy hour and work your way over Mallory Square around sunset. 

No comments: